Family Feud: FFVI Vs FFVII
by AbdulP
Summary: What to know what happens when The Returners take on AVALANCHE on Family Feud while Mog hosts the show? Well here's what I'd like to happen. >=D
1. Author's Notes and Disclaimer

Author's Notes and Disclaimer Alright, listen up. None of these characters are mine. They're all Squaresoft's. If they were mine I'd be rich right now. But they aren't. Neither is the game show concept. Ain't mine either. I'm poor like that. Now, as for the way the characters and the game show will act: Most of the time the characters won't behave in the way they are "supposed" to. I hate none of these characters, rather I love them all. But I made people the way they are for the sake of "comedy." Sometimes, rarely, but sometimes they will act like they are supposed to, but again, for the sake of "comedy." So don't hate me too much. Now, I hope y'all enjoy my little story. It's my first one. And if you don't like it, go suck on an egg. Now some things may be off in this story. A lot. So if something about the game show or something mentioned from the games are a bit off, so sue me. I haven't watched the show nor played any on the games for a while. If this were a Kingdom Hearts fic, that would be a different story. But it isn't. So it's not. So forward hoes! I hoped y'all enjoyed Chapter 0, really chapter 1, but chapter 0 nonetheless. So read, enjoy, and if y'all like, be nice and review. If not I'll hate you all. And I won't write anymore. But maybe after reading this none of you will ever want to read anything I write. Anyway, whatever. Oh, and it ain't my fault if y'all lose some IQ points reading this. Y'all were forewarned. right now. So yeah. GO! 


	2. Mog and Narrator Squall get acquainted

Narrator Squall: Ladies and Gentlemen - Live from the Sector 7 Slums of Midgar, the one we all thought was destroyed but then labeled as being under "Extreme Redecoration," we bring you Family Feud! With your host: The moogle of the hour, Mog!  
  
(Mog enters from behind the curtains, struggling to fly through the air on his tiny moogle wings. He eventually made it to the center, put both feet on the floor and gasped for air while the audience clapped.)  
  
Mog: Thank you ladies and gentlemen. Thank you very much.  
  
(The audience continues to clap.)  
  
Mog: Thank you, thank you.  
  
(The audience continues to clap and won't let down.)  
  
Mog: Ladies and gentlemen, that's quite all right. Thank you, now please settle down.  
  
(The audience still claps.)  
  
Mog: Okay, that's enough. Please?  
  
(Audience claps even more. A now infuriated Mog decided to take decisive action.)  
  
Mog: KUPOPO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
(The audience stops.)  
  
Mog: Okay. Welcome ladies and gentlemen to Family Feud! We have a very special Squaresoft Edition of the show tonight. Now our narrator will introduce to you the competing teams!  
  
Narrator Squall: They hail from a world-  
  
Mog: --Whoa, whoa! Who the heck are you?!?  
  
Narrator Squall: Who me?  
  
Mog: No, the overgrown Sasquatch in the fourth row!  
  
(A large and hairy man in the fourth row stands up.)  
  
Man: Hey! (Insert four letter explicative here) you buddy!  
  
Mog: No! Not you, the Sasquatch next to you!  
  
(The large abdominal snowman Umaro stands up and growls.)  
  
Mog: But I'm not talking about you either! I'm talking about the narrator!  
  
Narrator Squall: But I'm not a Sasquatch.  
  
Mog: That's not want I meant either!!! Who are you?!?  
  
Narrator Squall: I'm Squall, the narrator.  
  
Mog: What are you doing here?  
  
Narrator Squall: Narrating.  
  
Mog: No (Insert four letter explicative here) Sherlock. Where is Kakapo? He was the narrator I hired.  
  
Narrator Squall: Kakapo's been fired.  
  
Mog: What? Why?  
  
Narrator Squall: Well the author doesn't plan on making a Final Fantasy VIII fanfic so how else to you expect me to get into this show?  
  
Mog: Well couldn't you have just bought a ticket to watch the show like normal people?  
  
Narrator Squall: .No. Besides, it's free to come and watch the show.  
  
Mog: (Sighs.) Whatever. Just do a good job or I'll slash your face in.  
  
Narrator Squall: Been there, done that.  
  
Mog: Just shut up and introduce the teams!  
  
Narrator Squall: I was just doing that.  
  
Mog: When?  
  
Narrator Squall: Just now.  
  
Mog: No you weren't!  
  
Narrator Squall: Yes I was. I was saying, "They hail from a world" before you interrupted me.  
  
Mog: No I didn't!  
  
Narrator Squall: Yes you did.  
  
Mog: Look, I'm the host, you're the narrator. I'm right, and you suck. Ok?  
  
Narrator Squall: But what if you lie?  
  
Mog: (Sighs.) This is gonna be a long season. I better win an Emmy for this. 


	3. The dancing moogle’s pissed!

Narrator Squall: They hail from a world where the ruling empire is trying to take over the world by draining the life out of huge mystical monsters and they are the few who will rise up to oppose the empire and bring back peace to the world and to the mystical monster. They are from Final Fantasy III, or VI, however you want to call it, the Returners!  
  
(The audience claps for the Final Fantasy III/VIjap team.)  
  
Mog: Hey Squall, you think you can cut down on the introductions a bit?  
  
Narrator Squall: .Ok.  
  
Mog: Thanks.  
  
Narrator Squall: Team two is just badass. AVALANCHE!  
  
Mog: Well that certainly was cutting it down.  
  
(The audience claps for the Final Fantasy VII team.)  
  
Mog: Well let's get to know Team Returners a bit more shall we? (Mog walks over to the FFIII crew.)  
  
Mog: Here we have a couple of old buddies of mine. Let's start with the lovely and magical, yet deadly Terra Branford!  
  
(Terra waves to the crowd, wearing her red imperial uniform and her green hair in a ponytail.)  
  
Mog: Next we have the equally as beautiful and equally as deadly Celes Chere.  
  
(Celes simply smiles to the crowd.)  
  
Mog: Third is our resident thief-  
  
Locke: That's TREASURE HUNTER!!!  
  
Mog: .Right, treasure hunter, Locke Cole!  
  
(Locke smiles and points up two fingers in the air.)  
  
Mog: Fourth is our good friend, the muscular Sabin Rene Figaro!  
  
(Sabin starts to flex and pose for the crowd.)  
  
Mog: Ok, thank you Sabin.  
  
(Sabin continues flexing. The ladies in the audience start to swoon.)  
  
Mog: Ok, that's enough Sabin.  
  
(Sabin still flexes.)  
  
Mog: SABIN!!!  
  
Sabin: Oh, sorry little dude. Got a bit carried away.  
  
Mog: You think so you big meathead?  
  
Sabin: You want some of this you little marshmallow puff?  
  
Edgar: Hey, can we get on with this? I would like to be introduced. I mean I'm merely a king, nothing important, but it would be nice to be noticed.  
  
Mog: Oh, sorry. Let's continue.  
  
Sabin: Yeah, you better walk away. You're lucky we're on TV or else I would've Pummeled your stupid little pink pom pom.  
  
Mog: Oh that's it muscle (Female dog), you're going down!!!  
  
Sabin: Ooh, what are you going to do? Dance for me?  
  
(Mog jumps up and down and spins around. Suddenly the whole room changes to a large cave as giant boulders fall on top of Sabin.)  
  
Sabin: Uaoo!!!  
  
(Sabin gets knocked out by the boulders and lays unconscious on the floor. The room then reverts back to its original state.)  
  
Mog: Can we get a replacement here?  
  
Edgar: (Sighs.) I'm never gonna be introduced am I?  
  
(Another Final Fantasy III/VIjap character walks in from the back to take the fallen Sabin's place.)  
  
Mog: Now to replace Sabin Figaro we have. Jesus. What are you doing Umaro? Go sit back down in the audience.  
  
Umaro: Umaro want to play game.  
  
Mog: No! Go sit down.  
  
Umaro: Umaro want to play game!  
  
Mog: No! I'm your boss and I say go sit down!  
  
(Umaro brings his massive fist down on Mog's head.)  
  
Umaro: Umaro wants to play game!!!  
  
Mog: (Dazed and confused from the hit.) Fair enough.  
  
(Mog stumbles over to the last party member, almost tripping over Sabin's leg.)  
  
Mog: Now, last but no least, we have the king of Figaro Castle, King Figaro.  
  
Edgar: King Edgar Roni Figaro that is.  
  
(The ladies in the audience al scream like little N'Sync groupies as Edgar poses for them and blows kisses.)  
  
Edgar: Thank you ladies, thank you. I love you all.  
  
(Then a kid in the crowd stands up and starts booing, holding up a sign saying "Edgar Rice-A-Roni SUCKS!!!" Edgar sees this and shoots him with his Bio Blaster, poisoning him and half of the studio audience.)  
  
Mog: Oh God, Standards and Practices ain't gonna like this.  
  
Cid: Hey you f@#king moogle, do you plan on getting to our side any time soon?!?  
  
Mog: Calm your (Insert four letter explicative here) down you damn drunk!  
  
Cid: What'd you say @$$hole?!?  
  
(Cid pulls out his spear and chases after Mog who is screaming like a small woman in labor with triplets while security tries to stop Cid from making his spear from looking like a stick roasting a marshmallow. The show then goes into a commercial break.) 


	4. From FF3 to FF7? Where’s 4, 5, & 6?

(The show comes back from its Orbit gum--Fabulous---commercial to find Mog with a large bandage on top of his head, and many spear-sized scratches on his body. We see many large security guards dressed in black suit and dark sunglasses and earpieces standing all around the set. Mog goes onto meet the characters from Final Fantasy VII.)  
  
Mog: Now on Team AVALANCHE, first we have the master of the skies Cid Highwind.  
  
Cid: F@#king moogle.  
  
Mog: Shut up! The only reason you're still here is because one of your characters is dead-  
  
Cloud: -Aerith!!! I love you!!!  
  
Mog: One is hibernating in a coffin, and the other is a robot.  
  
Cid: Just wait 'till after the show. I'm tying you to the back of my airship by your pom pom and then make tight turns by every tall building I find.  
  
(Mog nervously moves away from Cid.)  
  
Mog: Next we have the gorgeously well endowed-  
  
Tifa: -Hey, my eyes are up here, not down there.  
  
(Mog looks up from Tifa's chest.)  
  
Mog: And strong and scary Tifa Lockheart!  
  
Tifa: And don't lemme catch you staring at me like that again.  
  
Mog: (Scared.) Yes ma'am.  
  
(Mog moves on from Tifa, hoping the rest of the team won't want to kill him either.)  
  
Mog: Next we have the. Jesus you're big.  
  
Barret: I pity the foo' who don't use 1-800-Collect!  
  
Mog: What?  
  
Barret: Nothing foo'.  
  
Mog: O.k.  
  
(Mog inches away from Barret, thanking God that the only real cameo he made in Final Fantasy VII was in a stupid and pointless little arcade game.)  
  
Mog: Now we have the. lovely. Yuffie Kisaragi.  
  
Yuffie: Hiya! Hey, what's that thing on your head? Looks like a huge materia!  
  
Mog: Don't touch the pom pom!  
  
(Yuffie touches Mog's pom pom!)  
  
Mog: KUPOPOPOPO!!!!!!!!  
  
(Mog lunges towards Yuffie. Yuffie backs away as the security guards try to restrain the now distressed Mog.)  
  
Mog: Okay, okay! I'm good, I'm good! Lemme go!  
  
(The security guards let go of Mog and he goes to introduce the last AVALANCHE team member.)  
  
Mog: Now finally! The last member of team AVALANCHE and the team member, Cloud Strife!  
  
Barret: Hey foo'! I'm the leader of AVALANCHE!  
  
Mog: That's not what my cue cards say.  
  
(Barret cocks his gun arm and point it at the moogle.)  
  
Barret: What did you say, foo'?  
  
Mog: .Just, that (gulp) you're the leader.  
  
Barret: That's right foo'!  
  
Cloud: .Whatever.  
  
Narrator Squall: Hey! That's my line!!!  
  
(Cloud unsheathes his very, very, very large buster sword.)  
  
Narrator Squall: (Gulps.) Nevermind, the lines yours!  
  
Cloud: Good. Now I suggest you mosey.  
  
Cid: Godammit Cloud! You sound like a f@#king sissy every time you say that.  
  
(Mog walks away as Cloud and Cid are arguing with each other.)  
  
Mog: Sweet Jesus, Mary, and Joseph, that AVALANCHE is a violent bunch. 


	5. Now, we actually play!

Mog: Well now to begin the game! First up from the Returners is King Edgar, and from Team AVALANCHE is Yuffie.  
  
(Edgar and Yuffie walk up to the podium and the center. Yuffie goes to shake Edgar's hand but Edgar kisses the back of her hand, and of course the adolescent Yuffie falls all ga-ga for him.)  
  
Yuffie: Ga-ga-ga-ga-ga.  
  
Mog: Are you ok Yuffie?  
  
Yuffie: Ga-ga.  
  
Mog: .Ok. this first question is worth 50 points. "Name the first town you visit in Final Fantasy VII after leaving Midgar."  
  
(Yuffie hits her buzzer.)  
  
Mog: Yuffie? Your answer?  
  
Yuffie: Ga-ga-ga.  
  
Mog: Survey says?  
  
Survey: X (Wrong Answer)  
  
Mog: Sorry, wrong answer.  
  
Cid: Hey Yuffie you stupid whore wake up!  
  
Mog: Edgar, do you want to play or pass?  
  
Edgar: Damn, I knew that game was a Greatest Hits for a reason. Pass  
  
Mog: Ok, so now we go to the rest of Team Returners: Umaro?  
  
Umaro: Me kill imps!!!  
  
Survey: X (Wrong Answer)  
  
Mog: Locke?  
  
Locke: Uh. Nibelheim?  
  
Survey: X (Wrong Answer)  
  
Mog: Celes?  
  
Celes: What do I care? I probably burnt it down while I was an imperial general.  
  
Survey: X (Wrong Answer)  
  
Mog: Terra?  
  
Survey: X (Wrong Answer)  
  
Terra: Hey, I didn't even get to answer!  
  
Mog: Do you even know the answer?  
  
Terra: .Maybe.  
  
Mog: What's you're answer?  
  
Terra: Rocket Town?  
  
Survey: X (Wrong Answer)  
  
Mog: Told you.  
  
Terra: Damn.  
  
Cid: Hahaha! Dumb bitch.  
  
(Terra gets pissed off, morphs into her pink and white esper form and zaps Cid with lightning.)  
  
Cid: Ah! That hurt you f@#king whore!!!  
  
Mog: (Sighs) I have 26 kids and a wife to support. All I ask for is for some sanity on my show. But noooo. Moogles don't have it that easy, do they?  
  
(Mog walks over to Team AVALANCHE.)  
  
Mog: AVALANCHE, the ball's in your court!  
  
Yuffie: Ga-ga-ga-ga-ga.  
  
Mog: Is she always like that?  
  
Tifa: What do you expect from a sexually deprived 16 year old?  
  
Cloud: Who says she's sexually deprived?  
  
(Tifa shoots a piercing glance at Cloud that says, "No you did not just say that.")  
  
Cloud: N-not that I h-have anything to do with that. But Cid does!  
  
Cid: What the f@#k are you smoking pointy haired kid?  
  
Cloud: Like you, the biggest sleaze ball on the planet wouldn't sleep with her?  
  
Cid: Hell yeah I'd f@#k that bitch, but I wouldn't say so on TV with Shera watching!  
  
Cloud: .Whatever.  
  
Narrator Squall: Grrr.  
  
(Cloud unsheathes his sword again.)  
  
Narrator Squall: (Whimpering.) Please don't hurt me.  
  
Mog: (On the verge of crying) Please good Lord almighty, let the next person answer the question correctly.  
  
(Mog walks back to Team AVALANCHE.)  
  
Mog: Cid, your turn to answer. Now you SHOULD know this considering this IS the game you are from.  
  
Cid: Wait, what's the question again? I was too busy shoving my spear up Cloud's @$$crack.  
  
(We see Cloud in the background trying to remove a broken spear handle from the back of his pants.)  
  
Mog: For 50 points. "Name the first town you visit in Final Fantasy VII after leaving Midgar."  
  
Cid: Hell, how the f@#k should I know? I didn't meet these wimps until they got to Rocket Town.  
  
Survey: X (Wrong Answer)  
  
(Mog droops his head. He seemingly takes out a gun out of thin air and points it at his head as he walks to the center of the stage. One of the security guards rushes him and tackles him to the ground.)  
  
Security: Mr. Mog, don't do it! Think about your family! Your kids! Kamog, Kupu, Momo, Mupop, Kapoop, Bob, Mooko, Mog Jr.-  
  
Mog: Ok, ok! I get the picture.  
  
(Mog regains his composure, but then starts to cry as he walks back to team AVALANCHE when he realizes the question still hasn't been answered.)  
  
Mog: Let's get this over with. Tifa? Do you know the goddamn answer?  
  
Tifa: You should relax Mog. All this stress isn't good for your blood pressure.  
  
(Mog's vein in his forehead starts to pop out as he gets filled with rage.)  
  
Mog: ANSWER THE (Insert four letter explicative here)ING QUESTION ALREADY!!!  
  
Tifa: Alright, alright. Jeez. Kalm.  
  
Mog: SURVEY SAYS!!!  
  
Survery: Correct Answer.  
  
(Team Avalanche celebrates on answering the first question while Mog breathes a sigh of relief.) 


	6. Question 2 How did we ever get here?

Mog: Alright, onto the next question. Next up, Celes and Tifa.  
  
(Celes and Tifa take their positions.)  
  
Tifa: Good luck.  
  
(Tifa extends her hand to Celes.)  
  
Celes: (Scoffs.) Whatever bimbo.  
  
Tifa: What'd you call me you dumb blonde?  
  
Celes: At least I don't mutilate my boobs to attract attention.  
  
Tifa: How many times do I have say that these are real?!? Besides, at least I have boobs.  
  
Celes: And what the hell do you call these?  
  
(Celes pulls down the top of her imperial uniform to reveal her boobs.)  
  
Mog: Celes! This is cable TV!!!  
  
Tifa: Damn, you do got nice boobs.  
  
Celes: Told ya.  
  
Mog: Can we get on with the question please? Jeez.  
  
(Mog rearranges where would be his pants, even though he's covered in fur, and then asks the next question.)  
  
Mog: "Name a type of Summon that appears throughout the Final Fantasy series."  
  
(Tifa hit her buzzer first.)  
  
Celes: Bitch!  
  
Survey: X (Wrong Answer)  
  
Tifa: Whore!  
  
Survey: X (Wrong Answer)  
  
Mog: Tifa, please answer the question.  
  
Tifa: Titan!  
  
Survey: X (Wrong Answer)  
  
Tifa: What? How can I be wrong?!?  
  
Celes: Haha! There was no Titan in Final Fantasy III/VIjap!  
  
Tifa: Whatever. It's no my fault you guys suck that much.  
  
Mog: Celes, play or pass?  
  
Celes: Play.  
  
Mog: Your answer please?  
  
Celes: Ifirit.  
  
Mog: Is that your final answer?  
  
Celes: Who the (Insert four letter explicative here) do you think you are? Regis?  
  
Mog: .Sorry.  
  
Survey: Correct Answer  
  
Mog: Now the score is tied to 50 points apiece.  
  
(Celes and Tifa walk back to their respective teams.)  
  
Tifa: (To Cloud) I can take her.  
  
Cloud: But it seems she took something of yours.  
  
Celes: (To Locke) Seems all that hanging around you paid off. I got all her materia.  
  
Locke: That's my girl.  
  
Celes: Shut up.  
  
Locke: Sorry.  
  
(Suddenly the buzzer sounds)  
  
Mog: What was that?  
  
Narrator Squall: That was the buzzer telling us that time's up.  
  
Mog: But why did it go off?  
  
Narrator Squall: Because. Time's up?  
  
Mog: I know that! But I've only asked two questions!  
  
Narrator Squall: .So?  
  
Mog: Who ever heard of a two question game show?!?  
  
Narrator Squall: I have. There was this game show back in the late 60s called "The Two Question Game Show." Very nice show I might add.  
  
Mog: Squall?  
  
Narrator Squall: Yes?  
  
Mog: Shut up.  
  
Narrator Squall: Sorry.  
  
Mog: Well, we'll take a commercial break for now while we figure out what we're going to do next.  
  
(The show goes to commercial while Yuffie still ga-ga-ing over Edgar, Tifa's chasing Celes for her materia, and half the studio audience is either vomiting up blood and pissing in their pants or already dead.) 


	7. Final Round Yuffie's Up

(The show comes back from the Verizon Wireless commercial-Can you hear me now? Good.)  
  
Mog: Well after discussing with the judges, we have decided since we have never had a tie before, we are going to do something different. We will have one member from each team compete in the fast money round, with the winner taking all, and the loser taking it all, if you know what I mean.  
  
Cid: You're a sick f@#k moogle!  
  
Mog: Shut up drunk. Now Returners, please select a teammate to participate in this round.  
  
(The camera turns onto the Returners, but we see Locke and Celes shagging on the floor while Edgar is trying to run game on Terra. Umaro is happily playing with Sabin's still limp body.)  
  
Mog: O.k. Well, Umaro, you don't see busy so you're gonna do this round.  
  
Umaro: Umaro kill imp!  
  
Mog: Yes, you'll kill all the imps you want after the show.  
  
Umaro: Ok boss.  
  
Mog: Now Umaro, come and stand next to me. Now AVALANCHE, please pick a member of the team to participate in this round.  
  
Cloud: Yuffie! Go!  
  
Tifa: What? Why? She still all ga-ga over Edgar!  
  
Yuffie: Ga-ga.  
  
Cloud: She's fine. Go get them Yuffie!  
  
(Yuffie absently walks over to mog.)  
  
Mog: Well now we flip a coin to see who goes first. Call heads or tails in the air!  
  
Umaro: Umaro crush head!  
  
Yuffie: Ga.  
  
(The coin lands on tails.)  
  
Mog: Sorry Umaro, but you've got to wait backstage.  
  
Umaro: Are imps backstage?  
  
Mog: No, sorry.  
  
Umaro: Umaro sad.  
  
(Umaro walks to the back while the crowd, or what remains alive of it, goes "aww" for the saddened Umaro.)  
  
Crowd: Aww.  
  
Mog: (To Himself) Bloodlovers. (Outloud) Well this how this round works: You have 20 seconds to answer as many questions as possible. The amount of points will be determined by how much of the audience picked whatever you may answer according to a survey conducted two years ago. At the end the points will be added and the one with the highest score wins! Do you understand?  
  
(Yuffie's head bobs forward.)  
  
Yuffie: Ga-ga-ga.  
  
Mog: Good enough for me. 20 seconds on the clock. And start! Name a sound a baby makes.  
  
Yuffie: Ga-ga.  
  
Mog: Name a suffix commonly used for a third level magic spell.  
  
Yuffie: Ga.  
  
Mog: Name a sound a love struck not-so-sexually deprived 16 year old girl makes.  
  
Yuffie: Ga-ga-ga.  
  
Mog: Name the capital of Wu-Tai.  
  
Yuffie: Ga-ga-ga-ga.  
  
Mog: Name a food commonly served in an Italian resturant.  
  
Yuffie: Ga.  
  
Mog: What is the meaning of life?  
  
Yuffie: Ga-ga-ga.  
  
Mog: Name the most boring person on the planet.  
  
Yuffie: Al Gore.  
  
(Buzzer sounds.)  
  
Mog: And Times up! Yuffie go stand with you teammates while Umaro completes his round. 


	8. Final Round Umaro's Down

(Yuffie walks back to her AVALANCHE group to a chorus of cheers. Umaro comes out still with a tear in his left eye.)  
  
Umaro: Umaro no find imps.  
  
Mog: We'll look for imps later. Now get ready. 20 seconds on the clock. And go! Name a time when most people walk up.  
  
Umaro: Umaro want to kill imps.  
  
Mog: Name a city in Italy.  
  
Umaro: Umaro not hurt imps much.  
  
Mog: Name one of the most hated Final Fantasy characters of all time.  
  
Guy from Crowd: Yuffie!  
  
Mog: Hey! (Insert four letter explicative here) you! You're not playing!  
  
Umaro: Umaro kill imps quick.  
  
Mog: Name the leader of the Powerpuff Girls.  
  
Umaro: Imps ugly and die because ugly.  
  
Mog: Name the show you are on.  
  
Umaro: Umaro help imps die faster.  
  
Mog: Name a famous video game character who wears a red hat and blue overalls and has a horrible Italian accent.  
  
Umaro: Umaro good for killing imps.  
  
Mog: Name what species Kappa the Imp from Final Fantasy III/VIjap is.  
  
Umrao: IMP!!!  
  
(Umaro breaks out in tears as the buzzer goes off.) 


	9. The Horrible End, because it sucks!

Mog: Yuffie, come here and we'll tally up the results.  
  
(Yuffie, still zombie-like, walks over to Mog.)  
  
Mog: Let's start with Yuffie. First Question: Name a sound a baby makes. You said "Ga-ga." Survey says!  
  
Survey: 26  
  
Mog: Name a suffix commonly used for a third level magic spell. You said "Ga." Survey says!  
  
Survey: 30  
  
Mog: Name a sound a love struck not-so-sexually deprived 16 year old girl makes. You said "Ga-ga-ga." Survey says!  
  
Survey: 41  
  
Mog: Name the capital of Wu-Tai. You said "Ga-ga-ga-ga." Survey says!  
  
Survey: 0  
  
Mog: Name a food commonly served in an Italian resturant. You said "Ga." Survey says!  
  
Survey: 0  
  
Mog: What is the meaning of life? You said "Ga-ga-ga." Survey says!  
  
Survey: 0  
  
Mog: Name the most boring person on the planet. You said "Al Gore." Survey says!  
  
Survey: 2  
  
Mog: Yuffie, your team's total points are 99! Umaro will need only 100+ points to beat you and win. Let's see how he did! Name a time when most people walk up. You said "Umaro want to kill imps." Survey says!  
  
Survey: 0  
  
Mog: Name a city in Italy. You said "Umaro not hurt imps much." Survey says!  
  
Survey: 0  
  
Mog: Name one of the most hated Final Fantasy characters of all time. You said "Umaro kill imps quick." Survey says!  
  
Survey: 0  
  
Mog: Name the leader of the Powerpuff Girls. You said "Imps ugly and die because ugly." Survey says!  
  
Survey: 0  
  
Mog: Name the show you are on. You said "Umaro help imps die faster." Survey says!  
  
Survey: 0  
  
Mog: Name a famous video game character who wears a red hat and blue overalls and has a horrible Italian accent. You said "Umaro good for killing imps." Survey says!  
  
Survey: Dumbass  
  
Mog: Final question. Name what species Kappa the Imp from Final Fantasy III/VIjap is. You said "IMP!!!" Surveys says!  
  
Survey: 100  
  
(Victory music goes off in the background.)  
  
Mog: And we have a winner! Umaro and The Returners win this game by just one point!  
  
Cid: That's Bull(Insert four letter explicative here)! We get four questions right and we lose by one point to a snowfreak who ranted on and on about imps! Kiss my big royal @$$!!!  
  
Mog: Squall! Tell the winners what they've won!  
  
Narrator Squall: You have all won an all expense trip for 4 days, 3 nights vacation to-  
  
Everyone: (Gasp.)  
  
(Enter Suspense: Now!)  
  
Narrator Squall: THE GOLDEN SAUCER!  
  
Cloud: What?!? That was the great prize?!? What (Insert four letter explicative here) man. Let's get out of here guys.  
  
Mog: Well congratulations to The Returners for winning this. great. prize!  
  
(The camera pans back to the Returners, but alas, we see Locke and Celes enjoying a cigarette as Edgar and Terra take their turn at shagging while Umaro is pounding on Sabin's body as if he were an imp.)  
  
Mog: Ah. Another day gone, another dollar won. Well for Family Feud, I'm Mog the moogle and. Hey! What are you doing?!?  
  
(Police sirens go off as cops step onto the set and arrest Mog.)  
  
Police Officer: Mog the Moogle, you are under arrest for the murder of one annoying Sabin Rene Figaro.  
  
Mog: Eh, fair enough.  
  
Police Officer: You have the right to remain silent, so shut the (Insert four letter explicative here) up. You have the right to an attorney. If your poor @$$ can't afford one, tough (Insert four letter explicative here).  
  
Mog: Well folks! See you next week on Family Feud! I may not be here though.  
  
(The show's ending credits roll as Mog gets taken away by the Midgar Police. But not before Reno the Turk shows up to have some fun with Mog and his Shock Stick. Poor, poor Mog. He should've called in sick today. But now he has to worry about not dropping the soap. Well, Goodnight!) 


End file.
